Although it is not a common arrangement, some divorcing parents allow the children to stay in the family home, while the parents switch back and forth out of the family home.
While not in the family home, the parents may rent an apartment to share or sleep at a friend’s or relative’s house.
Some couples choose this arrangement, rather than the more traditional arrangement of sending the children back and forth between houses, to give the children more stability.
Many children feel unsettled by shuttling their things back and forth between two houses, and this arrangement allows the children to stay in one home.
It also allows divorcing parents to postpone making a decision about selling the family home.
Although the arrangement sounds good, many therapists do not believe that type of arrangement actually benefits the
children or the parents.
During a divorce, parents need to establish their own lives and routines, and this may put a damper on them being able to move on.
Also, it may be confusing for the children to see their divorcing parents still so deeply involved with each other.
In addition, it can be extremely hard to work together and the divorce must be amicable.
Therapists say the most damaging thing for children of divorce is conflict, and this living arrangement raises the possibility that the children would witness more conflict than they would if the parents had separate living spaces.
This arrangement can work, but there must be very strict household rules about housework and handing the children off.
There also should be an end date to the arrangement – for some that may be when the children leave for college.
Divorces today are coming in a variety of different forms, with different living arrangements that are often focused on what’s best for the child.