When a former spouse uses the children in a manipulative way, it can be extremely emotionally damaging for the child. Children whose parents are divorcing often experience trauma for a period of time, but when parents use the child, the trauma is continually compounded.
You may believe that your ex is mistreating your children by using them against you. Some common behaviors include forcing the child to choose between the parents, using the child as a pawn, using the child to get information or to manipulate the other parent, transferring his or her feelings onto the child, and turning school or church events into extremely stressful times.
These types of behaviors can have a very lasting impact on children. When children are going through a divorce, they need acceptance, freedom from guilt, stable parents, a structured environment, reassurance, and the opportunity to be kids.
However, during a divorce emotions can run high, and parents may choose to use the kids as a way to hurt the other parent. If you can talk to your ex, attempt to have a conversation about the behavior. Instead of bringing up your relationship issues, try to make a specific list of his or her behaviors and their consequences on your children.
If it’s not possible to have a conversation with your ex, you may be tempted to take the ex to court. You may want to ask for more custody time, and use his or her behavior as the reason why you should be entitled to that time. Those cases are often difficult to win, unless the behavior is particularly egregious, there is evidence to show the behavior, and it can be proven that it’s damaging to the child.