It’s never easy to end your marriage. When you are married to an abusive spouse, however, an already bad situation can become even worse. If your husband is abusive and you want to leave, it’s important that you plan ahead, and surround yourself with people who are willing to help.
When you actually leave, you must physically protect yourself. Take your children with you. You may need to get a protective order, but in some cases protective orders can push already abusive men over the edge. If you decide to get a protective order, you may want to find somewhere else to stay such as a women’s shelter.
As you are making divorce plans, you need to hire an attorney who has some experience in cases involving domestic abuse. An experienced attorney will understand the intricacies of that type of relationship and can help protect you from intimidation. Your attorney should also be able to tell the judge about your circumstances and to help you find protection.
Mediation is often recommended or required in divorce cases. If there has been domestic abuse, mediation is probably not appropriate. You should speak to your attorney about mediation and whether or not you have to participate under the circumstances.
You should also seriously think about and talk to your attorney about custody arrangements. If you and your spouse have joint custody, he may use that to continue to try to control you through the children. If custody is in dispute, you should make sure the court knows about the abuse, since it will have an effect on what is in the best interests of the children. The court may agree to order supervised visitation in some domestic violence circumstances.